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                培養孩子小心“細節缺失”

                俗話說,三歲定八十。做人的一些重要品質,比如真誠、分享、探索……很多品質的塑造源于孩子幼年時期。但家長往往因為幼兒的天真、不懂世事而忽略了在生活細節中培養孩子的品性。

                 

                本期特邀福建省學前教育研究會會員陳娜娟老師為家長們點評生活中最易被家長們忽略的細節教育缺失。如果您對利用生活細節培養孩子品性深有體驗,不妨參與我們的家教討論,講述您在生活細節中培養孩子品性的成功之處。

                 

                場景一:推卸責任式安慰

                 

                 寶寶不要哭,看媽媽打這個不乖的壞椅子,害得我們寶寶摔倒。采訪中,記者常常見到這樣的一幕:一個搖搖擺擺學走路的寶寶被家中的小椅子絆倒后,年輕的媽媽飛快地沖上去抱起孩子,心疼地哄著,邊哄邊拍椅子以示責打,原本正哭鬧的孩子也被逗得破涕為笑。

                 

                分析:幼小的孩子思維方式是種泛靈思維,他們認為許多事物像人一樣,具有人的思想感情、行為特征,他們會把無生命的事物看成有生命的事物,如石頭會說話,動物像人一樣生活等。因此,在孩子一周歲前,用不乖的壞椅子等語言安慰孩子是符合其泛靈思維特點的。

                 

                但等孩子滿周歲后,開始學習認識世界,再用同樣的方式來教導孩子應對挫折,反而對孩子不好。會讓孩子產生一種歸因心理:無論發生什么事情,都不是我的錯,都是其他人、其他事物的過錯。長此以往,孩子養成習慣性思維方式,成長后易形成怨天尤人、不懂得承擔、推卸責任等品性。

                 

                場景二:隨意簡單式批評

                 

                一位老師告訴記者,自己班上一位小女孩上美術課的時候,從來都是先看別人畫什么再跟著畫。如果是自由創作,她常常畫到一半就停筆不畫。老師問她為什么,她會很膽怯地先詢問老師我有沒有畫錯,得到肯定后,才敢接著畫。

                 

                老師家訪后,才了解這是因為小女孩聽多了父母無心的責怪后養成的習慣。比如,不小心砸壞碗、撕破了書本,父母的驚呼、嗔怪隨之而來怎么那么小不心啊等。

                 

                分析:幼兒是通過觸摸、傾聽來感知世界的。很多在家長心目中的搗蛋行為其實是孩子探索世界的一種方式,比如一兩歲的孩子喜歡往地上砸東西,是因為東西扔在地上會有響聲,會變形,他喜歡。砸東西其實是對聲音、物體形狀的探索。

                 

                孩子的這種探索與成人不同,而這種不同一旦受到成人的批評、否定,孩子的探索天性也就受到扼殺。因此,對于6歲以下的孩子,無論他的行為在大人看來有多搗蛋,大人也要教導孩子去探索原因,而不要隨易否定。否則,孩子很容易像這個學畫畫的小女孩一樣,膽怯而缺乏自信,局限在大人的思維中學習,既不敢去探索也不敢有所不同,對于培養孩子的發散性思維很不利。

                 

                場景三:教育觀念不統一

                 

                有爺爺、奶奶做保護傘,孩子小小年紀就會看眼色了。家住老城區的李女士夫妻倆對3歲的孩子管教嚴格,而同住一起的爺爺、奶奶對小孫子卻疼愛非常。平日里看到孫子做錯事了,總是搶著維護孫子,舍不得孫子被批評一點點。每當夫妻倆剛開始教育孩子,孩子就喊著爺爺奶奶尋求保護。

                 

                分析:家庭教育觀念不統一,會帶來家庭中沒有統一原則,孩子在家中無規則可遵循。遇到事情,孩子無法從家庭的不同意見中分辨是非對錯,也無法得知哪些行為該做、哪些行為不該做。把做錯事當成家常便飯,長大后更容易因此而自信心受打擊。

                 

                另一方面,習慣了拿老人當庇護傘的孩子很早就懂得看人臉色,一看時候不對就找尋對自己最有利的條件。長此以往,會助長孩子養成做人不真誠,以自我為中心,不以公眾利益為準則的不好習性。

                 

                場景四:虛假式的分享

                 

                小孩子很霸道,不管在家里、在學校,誰都不許動他的東西。一位劉姓女士訴苦,自己的孩子已經上小學一年級了,常常因為同班的小朋友動了他的東西而和同學吵架,在班上惹是生非。

                 

                劉女士很困惑,小時候教孩子時,常常教孩子要把吃的東西分給別人。每回只要大人吩咐,孩子便懂得把東西與別人分享。雖然大多只是嘴上逗孩子,送到嘴邊的東西常常又還給孩子。但從那么早開始培養,孩子按理不該養成這么霸道、自私的個性,劉女士為此很疑惑。

                 

                分析:分享是做人的優秀品質,但如何教會孩子懂得分享,不能僅留在表面動作上。當孩子舍得把東西送到你手中時,作家長的應該收下,這樣才能讓孩子明白什么是真正的分享,孩子才能體驗到分享的快樂。如果只是擺個樣子,反而會給孩子一個誤導信息:大人是很虛假的,孩子也會從中學會虛假。

                 

                因此,教孩子分享時切勿停留在表面,要引導孩子明白什么是分享,哪些可以分享。懂得分享的孩子,往往個性開朗,很合群,比較容易融入社會。否則孩子只停留在表面的虛假分享,容易養成自以為是的霸道,認為自己才是最重要的。

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