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                差生最需要父母的心理幫助

                    前不久,深圳開通了差生心理熱線,以幫助那些學習成績不好的學生渡過心理難關。這一舉措得到了臨床心理科副主任醫師孫春云的充分肯定。她認為,隨著經濟的發展,生活水平的提高,人們也越來越重視健康,家長們也越來越關心孩子的健康。可是,事實卻往往事與愿違,隨著孩子的身體一天天長大,孩子卻變得越來越不快樂,青少年的心理問題漸顯突出,有統計報告:45%的青少年認為自己有情緒問題,20%的父母認為孩子有各種各樣的情緒、人際交往和學習問題。

                 

                    多數父母不知道如何與孩子溝通

                    既然每位做了父母的人都曾經是孩子,都有過孩子的階段,似乎應該知道如何了解孩子,如何幫助孩子心理健康快樂。可是一旦做了父母卻發現不知如何理解孩子,不知道怎樣和孩子打交道,不知如何培養出更具責任感,更自律的孩子,并且一旦孩子出現了問題,如考試不及格、逃學、吸毒、自殺和殺人,社會又會將責任歸咎于家長和學校。

                 

                孫大夫說,如何培養身體和心理都健康的孩子是一門學問。許多父母是照顧孩子身體健康的專家,可是卻不知如何處理孩子的心理問題。對此,孫大夫分析,父母對待孩子的軀體病和心理病的態度完全不同。例如,一個孩子如果說不想上學,因為擔心老師批評,父母肯定會火冒三丈,對孩子進行批評教育。但如果孩子說肚子疼不想上學,父母肯定非常關心孩子,專門花時間陪孩子。父母往往對孩子的心理狀態非常不敏感,孩子開始出現的輕微的情緒行為表現很少會引起父母的注意,于是小的問題積累成大問題。等孩子必須面對心理醫生的時候,病情往往很嚴重了。

                 

                    孫大夫在臨床中發現,當父母帶孩子來找心理醫生的時候,孩子的問題已經很嚴重了,嚴重到影響了學習成績,無法繼續上學。這時父母非常著急,迫切要求馬上解決問題,立刻恢復學習。當醫生問“問題出現有多長時間”的時候,孩子和父母的答案有很大的不同,父母說“他(她)初三或高三才表現學習成績不好,我們也不知是怎么回事”。孩子卻說“不是那樣的,我在初一或高一就出現了問題,我當時告訴他們,他們不理解,說我就是不想上學,不能吃苦。”家長反駁:“你如果那時出現了問題,為什么學習成績還挺好?”孩子會說“我那時是強撐著,我逼著自己看書,可是效率卻下降,原來需要學習一小時,那時就得花三四個小時。”父母說,“是這樣的過程,我們發現他越來越用功,幾乎把時間都花在學習上了,當時我們還很高興,認為孩子知道學習了,是件好事情,現在才知道那樣是不正常。”

                 

                    為什么會出現這樣的不同?孫大夫解釋說,這是因為父母和孩子參照的標準不同,關注的內容和焦點不同。父母關心學習成績,認為只要成績好就正常,孩子關心的是心理狀態,情緒狀態。許多父母會有疑問,孩子學習成績很好,怎么能說有心理問題呢?其實,心理疾病就像軀體疾病一樣,也分不同的階段,比如同樣有發病前的誘因,有早期先兆癥狀,有急性期的癥狀,有疾病進展的癥狀,有緩解期的癥狀,有慢性期的癥狀,有后遺的癥狀等等。

                 

                    心理疾病的早期癥狀不被人們重視,往往都等到疾病進入明顯階段才被重視,往往錯過了早期干預的機會。就像心臟功能一樣,心理狀態也有儲備功能。像心臟可以代償一樣,早期即使出現問題,孩子會自己找方法盡量保持不影響學習,孩子在同齡的群體中,也不希望自己落后,所以他們會想辦法,比如花比以前更多的時間在學習上,比如看相關的書調整自己,比如找小伙伴傾訴。有時在臨床中會見到父母說,孩子了解的心理方面的知識比他們還要多,可是孩子依靠自己的力量,可以代償性的保持學習成績,可以代償一年,代償兩年,可他終有不能代償的一天,這時才引起父母的重視,就有些晚了。因此不能單看學習成績。如何早發現孩子的問題非常重要。

                 

                    學會判斷孩子心理變化

                    觀察孩子有沒有問題,可以從橫向觀察和縱向觀察兩個角度看。所謂橫向觀察是指孩子和同年齡的孩子相比,縱向觀察是孩子自己和自己比,有什么變化。

                 

                孫大夫建議家長學會觀察孩子的心理變化。一是與父母的關系,能不能建立和保持親密和諧的關系;二是與伙伴的關系,可不可以保持平等合作的關系,通俗地講,能不能與伙伴一起玩;三是學習的興趣有無變化,他自己的關注點有無變化和特別性。

                 

                 

                    孩子出現心理異常的表現主要在三個方面。

                    一、情緒表現。出現恐懼、焦慮,抑郁的情緒。可以表現為抑郁癥:不愿上學,對學習沒有興趣,容易生氣,與父母難以溝通,有輕生的想法,興趣減少或多變等。學校恐怖癥:表現為不能上學,一上學就出現緊張,害怕,出汗,心慌,坐立不安,無法集中注意力于學習上。社交恐怖癥:表現為不能見人,一見人就出現緊張,害怕,出汗,心慌,因此回避有人的場合,上課不敢抬頭看黑板,不敢看老師,不敢看同學。   

                 

                    二、行為方面表現。癥狀為多動,學習困難,注意力欠缺。逃學,上網,自殺,自傷。離群獨處,不與同年齡小朋友一起玩,沉默少語、少動,精神不集中,或過分活躍,暴力傾向,偷東西。此外常見的是強迫行為,比如:反復洗手、詢問等。

                 

                    三、生理方面表現。主要是心身疾病,比如,頭部、腹部疼痛,惡心、嘔吐、厭食或貪食,早醒,入睡困難,耳鳴、尿頻甚至全身不適,但軀體檢查及實驗室檢查又沒有發現軀體疾病。注重相貌,身高,體重等,過分關心外表,認為自己長得丑,經常照鏡子,嚴重地要進行美容手術;認為自己胖,注意減肥,有時不吃或少吃,有時一下子吃進許多,出現進食的問題,如神經性厭食癥和神經性貪食癥。

                 

                    孫大夫說,青少年期是一個多事之秋,容易出現心理問題,需要幫助,最能幫助他們的是誰?是他們身邊最親的人——父母,可是往往最先關閉與孩子交流的大門的人也是他們最親的人——父母,怎么會這樣?其實最開始孩子第一求助的人就是父母,可如果父母不了解孩子的心理狀態,孩子就漸漸地關上了溝通之門。這應該引起父母們的深思。

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